my cat got a terminal diagnosis and I cried every single day

okay so. my cat got a terminal diagnosis and I genuinely don't know how I got through it.

my baby is a Scottish Fold, and that breed just... comes with a lot of genetic problems built in. leg issues, all kinds of stuff. a while back she suddenly couldn't use her legs at all and I cried SO MUCH. but then a month later she was walking again and I thought okay, we're good now, it's gonna be fine from here.

and then about 8 months ago they told me her kidneys are smaller than they should be. like, smaller than a normal cat's kidneys. so she can't break down or detox what she eats properly. and she's only 3 years old. THREE. and the vet said she has maybe 2 to 3 years left.

I heard that and. I was in the middle of exam season. I went to the study café every single day and cried. every. single. day. I was looking up stuff on YouTube like "what cats do before they die" and "foods that are good for kidney disease in cats" just... spiraling at midnight in a study room.

that's when I learned what it actually means to sob. like full body sobbing. whenever the house was empty I'd sit in front of her and just cry and cry and cry :(((

right now I give her kidney medicine every single day. and I talk to my counselor about her too, crying through the whole session. my counselor told me to make good memories with her while she's still here.

and I'm trying.