my little sibling was my best friend and they just... left without a word

I always figured they'd outlive me because they were younger. I thought maybe someday I'd have to say goodbye to mom and dad, I'd mentally prepared for that, sort of. but I never once thought about losing my sibling. and then they were the first one to go.

they left so cleanly. like. nothing left behind. no trace. like they never even existed in the first place.

I don't know why they made that choice. and I keep asking myself why I didn't see it coming, why I didn't know. what was so unbearable about this world that they had to erase every single thing connected to them and not leave us even one letter. not one. I'm just. I'm in so much pain.

we were only a year apart so we were genuinely like friends. we literally called each other the most important person in the other's life, best friends. we said that. so how do you not say ANYTHING to your best friend. how. how is that a best friend. how is that family.

I was always on their side. always. so why couldn't they tell me.

now their birthday is coming up soon. they used to whine and beg that we celebrate it twice, once by the solar calendar and once by the lunar calendar (classic Korean birthday thing), because they loved birthdays THAT much. loved them so much they wanted two. and they didn't even make it to this one. why were they in such a hurry to go.

when I see them again someday I'm going to ask. I have to ask.