my twin sister died by suicide last year. i didn't even know.

my twin sister died by suicide last year. because of school bullying.

we went to different middle schools, different high schools too. and the whole time she was at her school, she was being bullied by literally the entire school. ostracized by everyone.

and i didn't know. i had NO idea.

i was just hanging out with her, joking around, talking shit with her like everything was normal. if i'm being honest... i thought she was kind of annoying back then. which kills me to say. because she was my childhood best friend. my twin. the person who knew me better than anyone on earth.

how did i not know. how did i not see it.

i hate myself for it. genuinely. it's disgusting.

she loved collecting cute little things, little trinkets and stuff. and she started giving me her things. little by little. piece by piece. she was slowly handing me her stuff.

i should have known then. i should have understood what that meant. but i was so oblivious, so stupid, i just took them and shoved them in a drawer without thinking twice.

i pulled them out recently. looked at them.

and i just. cried. couldn't stop.

not just sad crying. the kind where you're so sorry you can't breathe.

i'm sorry unni. i'm so so sorry. i loved you. thank you. i really did love you.