A nurse found her patient's diary. She wishes she hadn't.

I wasn't going to post this but a friend of mine is a nurse and this happened to her and I still can't stop thinking about it.

So one of her patients passed away. Older woman, terminal cancer. By all accounts she was genuinely sweet, got along with everyone in her ward, the kind of patient you root for. Sad situation. No family either, no next of kin, so my friend ended up being the one to sort through her belongings.

While she was packing up the room she found a notebook.

She flipped through it without really thinking. Just a diary. Super mundane stuff, what she had for hospital meals, TV shows she wanted to watch, little everyday notes. Nothing weird.

And then my friend found her own name.

*"Today I went on a walk with nurse [name]. She's always so kind. She listens to me so much and I'm so grateful. The fountain was really pretty."*

She started tearing up. Like okay, this is already a lot.

But then she turned to the entry from the night before the woman died. And she stopped.

Every single page up to that point was written in normal black pen. Neat, consistent.

That page was red and blue. Scrawled. The letters were huge in some places, tiny in others, just completely all over the place.

*"[Name] has disliked me for a while now. But lately it's gotten so obvious. She gives injections in a way that hurts on purpose. When she washes me she's rough."*

My friend said her face just went white.

*"I can't take it anymore. I'm sure she's been switching my medication without the doctor knowing. I know everything. You're always smiling that smile at me aren't you. I won't forgive you."*

And then.

*killkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkillkill*

*"I've practiced it in my head so many times. I'm going to succeed. I'll do it tomorrow. When she comes to draw blood I'll stab her in the throat and kill her right there. Just writing this makes me happy. I'll be able to sleep well tonight."*

The woman died the next morning. Before my friend came in for her shift.

My friend threw the notebook in the trash immediately. She doesn't even fully remember what she did after that, she just. Threw it away and kept moving.

And then a coworker cleaning the bed found a pair of scissors wedged between the mattress and the wall.

Everyone else just kind of noted it and moved on.

My friend did not move on.

She seriously considered quitting. But she stayed. She just transferred to a different ward, told them she wasn't feeling well, never went back to that room.

The thing that gets her. The thing she can't shake. She was GENUINELY kind to that woman. She wasn't mean, she wasn't rough, she didn't mess with any medications. She thought they were close. She thought that patient actually opened up to her more than anyone else.

She had no idea. Not even a little.

She says she still can't sleep when she thinks about it.