found old photo albums with mom's handwriting and now i'm not okay

my dad passed away over 15 years ago. me, my mom, and my little sibling just... scraped by. mom always had this tough, no-nonsense personality and honestly i never really thought about it much before. but i'm getting older now and things hit different, you know..

so i randomly found this old photo album from when i was really little. and next to each photo, mom had written captions in her handwriting. the ones with dad were like "daddy~ come play with me~" and then there's "our little OO's first birthday!!" and "the dog is scary!!" and "daddy gave me a bath and it felt so nice~"

they were so. full of love. I HAD NO IDEA mom had this side to her.

and then it just hit me. after dad died, she changed. she couldn't be the soft, loving mom anymore. she had to be the STRONG one. the one who kept two kids fed and alive. she didn't get a choice.

there's this lyric from a Se Jeong song, "꽃길" (Flower Road): "your young and beautiful season, given up to avoid giving up" and that's just. that's my mom. she gave her entire youth to raising us alone.

and i realized it way too late..