My husband studying for civil service exam won't even wash his own dishes

So I need to know if I'm being unreasonable here because I genuinely cannot tell anymore.

We're a couple in our early 30s with a 30-month-old. Back when my husband was in his mid-20s, he barely missed passing the civil service exam and decided to just focus on making money instead. We were dating at the time so I knew the whole situation. He worked his ass off, saved up, made plans, we got married, had our kid, everything was going fine. But he kept bringing up that exam. Not occasionally. CONSTANTLY. How close he'd been, how much he'd wanted it, how it was his dream.

When our baby turned 24 months and started daycare, I told him: I'll work, you study at home. He'd ground through my entire pregnancy and the first two years of our kid's life. I wanted to give him his shot. Also honestly? having a government employee in the house sounded nice, not gonna lie.

So here's what my life looks like now. Two jobs. No days off. About 14 hours a day. I bring home around 400 (around $3,000/month). Because our lease ended right when the daycare situation started, we moved into my parents' place (we needed someone to watch the kid, there was no other option). My parents had arranged that once my husband passes and we're on our feet, they'd move into a house my late grandma left them and let us have their apartment for FREE. My mom has been helping for almost 6 months now.

I know the civil service exam is brutal. I KNOW studying gets harder as you get older. I've been trying to be understanding.

And then my mom quietly told me she's been struggling. Not about the laundry. Not about the cleaning. She said my husband eats and just. leaves. Dishes sit there. Food out. Then he disappears to the study cafe. She's been cleaning up after him this whole time without saying a single word because she didn't want to disturb his studying.

I was OUT. I leave before anyone wakes up and come home after everyone's asleep. I had NO IDEA this was happening. And the fact that I used to feel BAD for him living in his in-laws' place?? Used to feel guilty watching him?? I want to go back in time and shake myself.

So I texted him from work (didn't want it to blow up into a fight at home). I said: can you please clean up after yourself when you eat, wash your own dishes, don't you feel bad for my mom?

He said I was treating the civil service exam like it was easy.

He said studying 12 hours a day and he can't afford to waste time on dishes. That every minute counts. That he'd rather do one more practice problem.

I'm sorry WHAT.

He also doesn't put his clothes away btw. Just drops them wherever. My mom follows him around picking up after him like he's a toddler. We already have one of those.

She said she's okay with everything else, the laundry, the general mess, whatever. Just. his dishes. the food he ate himself. that's all she asked.

He's also doing physical training for the fitness portion of the exam, studying hard, doing everything right, I get it. He's stressed and high-strung and I know that.

But I see my mom exhausted and I just. I can't.

Am I supposed to just let this go until he passes?? Is this actually a me problem??